i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
