i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
