Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He passed out mid-signature
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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