he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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