Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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