Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
