I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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