I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
