In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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