guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
