I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
