Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
