They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
