I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
