We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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