wanna go halves on a baby?
where am i from again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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