I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
