a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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