Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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