Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
