I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just cut my nipple shaving
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
