what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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