bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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