im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think i got beer on your cat.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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