Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
