and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
