dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
