its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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