Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
