bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
