Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
