Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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