is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
