Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
