Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
