Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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