Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
