I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
