Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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