Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize