I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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