doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ketchup is God's man juice
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
