My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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