when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
