I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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