I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
