whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
