You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
