On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
