M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize