Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
