I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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