I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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