he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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