that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
