Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We left the knife in your bed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
