there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
