That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
