He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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