Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
