You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
