Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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