So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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