I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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